somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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