well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
