don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
