dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
