Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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