I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
