I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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