you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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