So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This baby is an asshole
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
