If you die in college, do you die in real life?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Someone signed my nipple.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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