i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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