do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
