can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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