I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
