dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize