So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
