I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
