am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
