I feel like abortions should bother me more
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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