five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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