I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
high people should be assigned attendants
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize