Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
