Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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