I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
