just come out here and I will go home with you...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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