Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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