she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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