first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
