I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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