Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
