My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
