i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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