WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If I die, sorry about rent.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
