therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
