Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize