lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
