Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
from now on my penis is your penis
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
