I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
