I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
