i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
