Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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