saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
