i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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