You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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