Why are handjobs necessary in class?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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