i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
