he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
