I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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