I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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