I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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