ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
