I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
