birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
