There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
