Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
