oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
