It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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