you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
