Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
