walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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