you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
