I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
