She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
