I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Your penis caused this!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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