if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
