i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
