i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
