I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
