I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
