I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
