I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Randomize
