He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
